I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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