i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
