Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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