She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
