thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I see more hoeing in ur future
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