..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
