Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I need to sanitize my soul.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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