Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
