so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
