Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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