At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
