I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
