I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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