im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize