Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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