I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
