If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Please don't give away my fajitas
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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