Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
