i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
