why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
