So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
