Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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