i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
