I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
