after a month anything with tits is on the radar
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Can you bring me the toilet please
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
