remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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