Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
