You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i came on her dog
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
