Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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