"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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