Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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