I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
