no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Then you guys just all showered together...?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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