Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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