He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
