So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
and you fell through a lawn chair
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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