Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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