It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
