sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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