The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
