dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
