Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
do nipples grow back?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
