we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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