"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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