Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
