I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
