I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
