just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize