ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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