people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
