I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
