I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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