Pants 0. Shit 1.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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