just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
