My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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