I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize