You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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