If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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