idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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