Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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