The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
please come you make the beer taste better
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
