I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
