so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
