This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize