summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Sext me about skeletons
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
