So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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