He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
