When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
