The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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