remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
