Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
