I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
